sealikesky

1. it makes me sad
2. my brother is like my twin. i can't bear to leave him to live alone. who's gonna watch house or big bang theory with him when i'm gone?
3. jack is the best pet i've ever received and i don't want to part from her
4. my head aches feeling all the sad things
5. i don't want to go
6. i don't want to leave
7. it makes me really sad
8. it makes me really really sad
9. it makes me sad every time i think about it
10. i can't figure out why else i'm so sad about leaving

i forgot how to write. but i'll try to remember.

i was looking for a new notebook to write on since my dream journal and my tarot journal and other stuff that comes to my mind is within one notebook. and that's not very organized. okay, so the last thing i am is organized, but to a certain point. and i always have to crash before i realize i need to incorporate physical order. unfortunately, none of the blank notebooks in my stash felt right to become a new notebook.

i have a box, of one of the many boxes, that holds notebooks, out of the two boxes that hold other notebooks. (see, i can't even get my boxes straight!) but i remember them well however disorderly they may be. usually either books or notebooks and other papers. one of the reasons i keep notebooks from school, the only reason rather, is because of thoughts i randomly spill on them. they are my sentimental time-travel treasures.

one i rediscovered are entries dated first week of november last year written between academic notes. i don't know if i should be surprised or not, believe me i am puzzled. it seems time hasn't moved much for me. either i was living in the future or i am living in the past. the same concerns, the same ifs, the same alice in wonderland references that i have been mulling over just recently. only she (past self) describes it better. i cannot remember how many times i've said to myself how i write better then than now.

i haven't been very emotional lately, but this is just saddening. life flows in cycles, true enough. but my life is running the same cycle over and over. last year and this year at least. i need to get to the rabbit hole now! it's my only chance of growing up. i just wish that next year, when i come back to read this, i am riding on a different part of the wheel and experiencing a new set of shiny challenges.

i made it again! waking up barely there close to sunrise. this is the third day that i've naturally risen with less than four hours of sleep. i feel well rested and although my tummy is roaring on the other side of the road, my heart is smiling.

today is day three of what's evolving into a home makeover. initially an idea sprouted only as bedroom makeover upgraded itself to major one. and the flame is burning through. everytime morning i'm recharged with more and more energy to lift this house and let it become lighter than what it has become. i'm glad the change is taking place in its most beautiful effortless way. it's finally taking a breath and letting go.